If you’ve recently felt the need to see a doctor and “get yourself checked out”—relax. Take a breather. It’s not because of your bender 2 weekends ago when it seemed like summer was here. Its most likely because the Sex and The City Movie has begun its marketing all over the city. . .and it’s anything but liberating.
Why is Sarah Jessica Parkers face blurry in these ads? Perhaps the movie had such a high budget for costume that they skimped on good photography and lighting? Or, most likely, Adobe Photoshop hasn’t perfected their Horse-Face Reduction tool. Maybe we’ll get it in CS4? Either which way, the image featured on this ad is almost as horrible the fashion shown. Sporting what appears to be the pelt of Cookie Monster, Parker proves that a moo-moo style summer dress of non-descript fabric with fishnets, all tied together with a blue-balled pendant, are all the rage for fickle women who love to live beyond their means. Or at least fashionable for women who want to wander into the street to be run over by a taxi.
There are other promotional materials for this movie out there, but they also fail to deliver. Perhaps in an ongoing trend, Parker proves to be a poor poster girl. This much has been obvious since retouchers carved, curved and caressed her ass so horrendously in the “Failure to Launch” movie poster. Sadly, she may never again be able to achieve the perfection her image had while on the “Mars Attacks” movie poster when her face was grafted onto the body of a Chihuahua.
Another ad seen around the city features a bottle of SKY vodka eclipsing a building in NYC with the streets going towards it rubbernecked with carloads of classy girls gone wild. Hanging out of limo sunroofs and car windows to raise their martini glasses, this ad was not approved by Mothers Against Drunk Driving.
Lastly, another piece of promotion for this movie is a ho-hum shot of Parker & Mr. Big leaning against a car. Parker, looking puffily hung-over and taken aback next to a mildly intense Big, can almost distract you from a photo assistants hand seen in the bottom—left—corner—of—the—fucking—shot. Ridiculous. Further proof the photographs and promotional elements chosen to promote this movie skimp on the finer details of what makes for good advertising and only hints at the potentially poor quality of filmmaking this movie will have to offer its naively dedicated audience.
If these images are any indication of what the Sex and The City Movie will be like, expect nothing more than a poorly shot made-for-TV-movie with emotionless acting, and ludicrously disgusting fashion. Most likely attended by vodka swilling free-for-alls in search of defying misogynists by giving them more ammunition.
Okay, okay, okay…..FINE. I will admit there is some merit in the first movie poster featured in this post. And that is in the text and logo layout. This ad does have a sense of motion and the choice to angle the movie credits & logo is indication of coherent design. But that choice, that small piece of finesse, is severely eclipsed by the larger elements of absolute crap in how this movie chose to represent itself throughout their ads.
(Sidenote: To further promote this movies poor graphic decisions, if you’re a fan of blown out faces to hide vast amounts of ugliness and age, be sure to check out the website for the Sex and The City Movie. America hasn’t seen such bright-white faces with eyes, noses and lips since this winter’s snowmen melted away. Their skin tone makes Powder look tan. It’s like a white-face vaudeville act. Imagine if the Pillsbury Doughboy impregnated 2 high-end hookers, 1 average one, and 1 cheap one. . . .and so on.)
